To Be Vulnerable, or Not to be Vulnerable: That is the Question.

I’ve been debating sharing this for a while now and wasn’t sure if I was up for it or not. However; I want to be as open as possible with anyone who reads this if it could possibly help anybody else suffering. So here we go! Vulnerable Mo coming atcha.

I’ve had a rough last few weeks. I put a brave face on, and try to go about my regular day, but deep down I was suffering. I was going back and forth with my psychiatrist with medication switches. One of the medications was making me so sick that I actually thought I had the flu or the stomach bug. I was so sick and nauseous. I couldn’t even keep toast down. This was going on for too long. I thought back on it and the only thing that had changed in the last two weeks was my medication. Back to square one. He prescribed another new medication that I needed to adjust to. A constant back and forth.

All of this was going on, and I was thinking..what am I doing? What is going on? Do I need to be checked into the hospital? Psychiatric meds are such a fickle thing especially when you already are feeling down and out. It was back and forth almost daily with my psychiatrist via email and phone. He finally decided on a med regimen he thought would work and highly recommended IOP.

For anyone who is not familiar IOP is Intensive Outpatient Therapy. It’s basically all day intensive therapy except it isn’t inpatient. I will not be sleeping at the facility. I’ll be honest, this has been suggested to me before and I kind of just ignored the recommendation. Well, this time I’m finally doing it. I have my intake evaluation tomorrow and pretty much will go from there. The day is pretty much the length of a school day- 9:00-3:30. It’s broken up into all different sessions and meetings. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared/nervous. Even though I have suffered all of my life, this is the first time I have ever done anything like this. I never have really participated in group therapy. It’s usually 1:1.

I have hopes that this will really help me in my journey. I have a lot of friends who are very supportive and for that I am forever grateful.

I want to come out of this a happier, healthier version of myself when all of this is said and done. One day I want to be a success story.

xx Mo

But I know one day I will be okay!

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